Adam Fedosoff

Update, back to reality

Back…

Alright, Its been a while. I know. Give me a break. Simple story really. 

 Got admitted to HSC Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. Not eating, loosing weight, generally unwell, blah, blah, blah, yeah. By that time I had figured out that my thanksgiving wasnt going to be Turkey and stuffing, but two bags full of nutrients and fats that would stop my weight loss and give me the proper caloric intake for the day. (Picture of my wonderful dinner later).

 Though my weekend would never have been consider a classic thanksgiving I think I learnt more and more about what types of things that I should be thankful for daily rather than just once a year on some weekend in October. To tell you the truth I figured out that there are many things that everyone would call minuscule or tiny in their daily lives but, anybody who has battled cancer or gone through something that is consistently dabilitating will understand where I am coming from.  First, my best friend was in a head-on collision in a car. Great. Now its not just me that has to be in the hospital but now my friend is dealing with a concussion and a large laceration from the accident. I am thankful everyday that the people that I love are around. Because really you don’t know at any single moment that they could possibly be gone. To tell you the truth I was thankful that I could down a chocolate pudding on Sunday. That was the highlight of my Thanksgiving Sunday, what was yours? 

 I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, but I also hope that my last two posts have shed a little bit of light on some of the little things that people can be thankful for on a daily basis. BEcause there are many different things that go on over the course of a single day that can make life extroardinary. Those little things and habbits that you would continously do at home, or just being able to sleep in your own confortable bed at night, are all things that some people would give a whole lot to do tonight. I hope all are thankful for the amazing things that they are blesssed with, becuase they can bequcikly taken away…

 You don’t know what you got till its gone. 

AJF. 

Did you realize?

First of all, let me say sorry for not posting in quite some time. We recently moved back home to Barrie and it has been unbelievably busy as we work on cleaning up the recent mess called our lives out the door and move into a healthy and positive environment that will be a base for my entire family to grow and heal. With each other, we are able to go through any hardship, take the bad and the good and bust through in the end. Always looking forward to the wonders and greatness that lies ahead in our lives. 

Well, its Thanksgiving, its a rough time of year for many different people. I understand how this holiday can bring people down. Christ, even I think to myself and wonder what I could be thankful for. But really I should never have to ask that question, 

I already know the answer.

there are so many possibilities in life, so many things to be thankful for. Think about it for just a second.  Are you healthy? Can you breathe? Are you walking? Do you go home to your own bed every night? See your beautiful family? Are you eating turkey dinner with them this Thanksgiving weekend?  That’s what I thought.  Not a person that I know should be able to say that they are NOT thankful for the things that they have, the things that they can do and the possibilities that the future holds.  If you believe that you have nothing to be thankful for on this earth, your immaturity and selfishness is appalling.

What am I thankful for? I have many things and people in my life that I am extremely thankful for and to tell you the truth, I could go on forever. 

  I am thankful for my recovery and health, and the 2 extremely generous donors who went through painful procedures to help save my life. Without them I would not be on this earth. I thank them for my life, my freedom and for the new outlook on life that this journey has given me. I am thankful for every person that has ever fundraised, donated or have taken the time to think about the hell that me and my family have been through. I am thankful for the CTCACF for all of their hard work in trying to create a world without cancer.  But most importantly. I am so very thankful for my family. They are the most important people in my life, they have cared and looked after me in my time of need. They have been selfless and unbelievably caring as they continue to look after me. While we try to dig out this fucking hole that our lives have become. Oh, there is one more thing that I am thankful for, I am thankful that I am ALIVE. 

I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving. Though when you think about what your thankful for, think about how great your life is. Then take a second thought to think about those less fortunate. I hope you are thankful, because if your not thankful for it, why should you even have it ? 

Thanks for all of the support that I have had recently with my treatments. I am thankful that I have so many amazing friends at my back to get me through.

Have a happy thanksgiving everyone,

Adam Fedosoff

  There are so many different questions when dealing with your own health and rehabilitation. Everything seems to become a guessing game. Though how can you ever make a plan for your future when you don’t even know what will happen tomorrow? 

  Working with Holland Bloorview for the 4 weeks has been great. I have seen dramatic improvement over a rather short period of time. Which normally isn’t seen with the intense peripheral nueropathy that I was diagnosed with along with my second relapse back in December 2010.  Although after 9 months away from my home, friends and school, I am really feeling the need to go back home. Barrie has not been a great for looking after my health. Can’t even get a family doctor for a kid with 2 bone marrow transplants in this city. So, how can I feel confident this place will offer me the proper physiotherapy and rehab that I truly need? Without spending a fortune in the process? I need answers, and really it’s quite difficult to get a straight answer out of many health professionals these days because many of them have different ideas and thoughts about many different subjects. Lots of help eh? Sounds like I’m going to have to go home without knowing exactly what level of therapy I will receive, great.

  School started this week. At least in the normal world. I cannot attend my own school. I am immuno-suppressed and walking into a building with 2000 teenagers isn’t exactly the smartest idea. Over the past 4 years have missed a total of 2 years at school, though I have kept myself involved in school and intent on doing any work possible that would keep me from falling too far behind.  I would consider myself rather smart and school has never been much of an issue.  Though now, I have such a massive amount of work to finish before graduating I can’t see the end. Although I hope I will be able to find a way to work the board of education and come up with a way to fast-track me through the classes that I have missed. Getting me back to the level of classes that I should be in at this point. I hope.

  This note seems to be a bit of a rant plus many unanswerable questions, I know. Though know I am looking to moving back home and I couldn’t be more happy and comfortable with that transition. Although it still remains to be seen when that will happen.  I hope I didn’t sadden or anger anybody with this blog, I only wanted to give a glimpse of some of the questions that my family and I ask ourselves everyday about our future. Although I can happily say that our future looks much brighter than our recent past.

Crazy Busy

  Wow, what a difference a few days can make. I had never thought that I would get so busy so quickly. After making the decision to move from Bloorview’s in-patient program to their day-patient appointments everything has seemed to be a blur. Working with physiotherapy 5 times a week and occupational therapy at least 3 times a week has been extremely exhausting. Not to mention that we also have 2 appointments with Sick Kids every week too. So to say that I am not used to all of this is a little bit of an understatement.  Although moving into my own space again has been relieving, I can now finally say that I am not admitted into a hospital for the first time in 8 months (finally). Though moving away from a hospital environment has been an adjustment, all of the different things that are normally ‘taken care of’ in he hospital now falls into the hands of me and my family. From medication, to food, to nursing we all now seem to have part time jobs in many different occupations. These are just the things that need to happen on a day-to-day basis while recovering from cancer. There always seems like there is something different to do or take care of.

  Physiotherapy has been intense. After all of the time that I have spent in bed at the hospital I am not used to physically exerting myself every day of the week.  With saying that every workout that I do brings me closer to the physical shape that I was in before. Though everyday is another step towards health, just the fact of having to move around and get myself to my physio and occupational therapy makes me unbelievably tired. By the end of the day I’m exhausted, and can barely keep myself awake!

  Hopefully with every workout I am able to get stronger and gain energy everyday, making everything that I do today much more rewarding. At this point all I can do is look to the future and hope for the best. You never know the secrets that the future may hold.

Why Blog?

  So, as most of you know. My name is Adam Fedosoff, 3 time cancer survivor, 2 time bone marrow transplant survivor and Coast to Coast Against Cancer Foundation ambassador. Throughout my 4 years of living with and beyond cancer I have thought about blogging my experience many different times. Yet I never thought that I would have enough to say or continue with my want of describing all of the different things that I was going through at that point in time, so, I never went through with my ideas.

   Now though, I am at a different point in my journey. I am looking at a road of recovery and health, something that I can focus on full-time. This blog is to try and describe and show a world that many people do not, and will never fully understand. Although, I believe that I may be able to shed light on many different aspects of the long and arduous journey of battling and recovering from cancer. A journey that is not often shown or described yet takes the lives and childhood of too many children in this world. I hope I can open doors and answer questions that many of you may have about the world of childhood cancer. 

  I will try to describe the road of recovery, the many things that are involved with dealing with cancer, side effects, the after effects of the disease and hopefully returning to normal life.  I hope I can create more awareness about this disease and give a window inside. This isn’t supposed to be about me, it’s about what many children have to go through to recover and return to the childhood that they once had, after a hard and difficult battle with cancer.

  I hope you enjoy future blogs and reflections of the coming challenges as I recover from cancer and return to life.